Get your girlfriend to train with weights

It is difficult for many of us to fathom: Women who avoid weights because they don't want to get too bulky and muscular. With so much information available about the importance of muscle and so many female weightlifters on the internet, it's a strange thing. But you still come across comments like this from women who prefer yoga, spinning classes, long distance running or hours of walking on the treadmill to working out with weights...which would be fine if it was their personal preference, but there's a problem.

They want workouts that make them leaner, not wider. And this is where their bias against training with weights comes into play. They want to achieve a specific look - toned but not muscular. But their fear of muscle development usually stems from images of female bodybuilders using massive amounts of steroids, or female CrossFitters doing the same (yes, sometimes in massive amounts too).

And unlike the women who train with weights, these women don't see the bodies of top competitive female athletes as motivating. They don't see them as feminine. And often there is no happy medium in their minds: either you are toned or you are overly muscular. And the toned look they say they want is the one they THINK they can achieve through tons of cardio.

If they can just lose fat, then underneath will be the body of a shapely goddess just waiting to emerge.... This is the biggest myth you need to dispel.

What women who don't train with weights should know

There's a common denominator here for women who have that muscular, bulky look - and it's not training with weights, it's anabolic steroids. And you have to use a lot of them as a woman to look like that. As a woman, you have zero chance of ever looking like a man in terms of muscle development. Heck, most men struggle to build a significant amount of muscle - and they're really trying to do so. Building muscle is exceptionally hard and it takes years of hard work to build large amounts of it.

If you're a woman training like a man, it's not going to make you look like a man if you don't have the same hormonal profile as a man - and you'd have to actively do something about that.

The other thing that can lead to what you consider bulky is a normal build-up of body fat. But if you're judging a muscular girl who's carrying around a few extra pounds, you should realize that it's not really the muscles that are causing the bulky look. It's the layer of fat over the muscles. And a woman with some extra padding and muscle underneath still looks athletic, shapely and even hot, while a woman with the same amount of fat with no muscle...well, just looks completely out of shape.

Why (only) cardio won't work

Too much cardio and not enough training with weights will work against you. Women talk about changing their bodies and they'll say they want great legs, a great butt and arms they can proudly show off in a tank top or sleeveless dress. They may even give you the name of some female celebrity whose look they want to achieve.

To get there, they turn to the treadmill and then wonder why they don't see the shape and definition of that "toned" celebrity role model. But unless you have miracle genetics, your glutes will never look more than pancakes if you don't actively build them and your arms definitely won't look defined without muscles that can be defined.

On a side note, many of these "toned" celeb girls - even Sports Illustrated and Victoria's Secret models work out with weight trainers like Ben Bruno. And what do they do? They train with weights instead of doing endless cardio workouts.

The cruel truth is that most lower body injuries associated with running usually have something to do with weak glutes. Sitting around for long periods most days of the week makes the gluteal muscles lazier and lazier. Activating these muscles therefore becomes a task they can no longer remember.

So if you start running and your inactive glutes are not doing what they are supposed to do, injury will occur because you are not using correct mechanics. You're putting disproportionate stress on your hamstrings, quadriceps, hamstrings, calves, knees and cruciate ligaments. And then you are injured and have a flat bottom. At least you only had a flat bottom before.

Spinning classes? Not a bad option to get your legs in better shape. You can control the resistance and the movement on your hips and knees is more akin to squats than jogging. But you're still sitting on your butt and the body will still adapt to this.

Redefine your body

To reshape your figure you need to lose fat AND build muscle. Walking and jogging won't build a pair of great legs or a great butt, and certainly won't contribute to that coveted arm definition. But lunges, leg presses, squats, deadlifts, overhead presses, pulls, presses, side raises and tons of other different forms of exercises with weights will.

In addition to this, more muscle mass will also increase your metabolic rate. Metabolically speaking, muscles are powerful energy consumers. The more muscle you have, the more calories you will burn even if you do nothing. One pound of muscle burns 50 kcal per day at rest. Build 10 pounds of muscle and you will burn 500 kcal more than before - at rest. To put this into perspective, grab a calculator, type in your body weight in conjunction with your speed on the treadmill and see how long it takes you to burn 500 kcal on that thing.

And we're not just talking about muscles at rest. Even if muscles at rest wouldn't burn much energy, even the actual building of muscles - the time under tension necessary for hypertrophy - will affect your metabolism in dramatic ways.

On the other hand, if you only do tons of cardio, you'll probably lose some muscle mass along with the fat. So what will you end up with? A thinner version of yourself that is still just as out of shape. You'll be thinner, not more shapely.

Wait a minute. You think getting thinner is a good thing? Not so fast, the less of your body there is, the fewer calories you'll burn throughout the day. Simply weighing less than you used to has a downside: you have to eat fewer calories than you used to in order to stay that way. Your body will burn a lot fewer calories than it used to in its heavier state.

Building muscle is the solution to this dilemma. With more muscle, you will become leaner and more compact, but have more of the "stuff" that turns your metabolism into a blast furnace: Muscle tissue. And muscle requires a robust diet. You can't build muscle if you're starving yourself to death.

The definition of "toned"

Do you know what toned means? More muscle mass. If you build muscle and make it show through fat loss, you'll achieve a look that's much closer to your idea of "toned" than anything you'll achieve with cardio.

Some people will still tell you that you will get "long muscles" with certain forms of stretching and useless exercises with light weights. Don't fall for this. The length of your muscles was determined at the time your mother and father conceived you. There is no workout that can undo what your mom and dad did. So stop using words like "long, elongated muscles" when you're not making fun of those who take such things seriously.

Let me guess, you're repulsed by the word "mass" in muscle mass. Fine. Pick any word you like. You can still use the word "tight" but you should understand what it really means. It means hypertrophy or growth of that muscle.

Still want to get leaner?

Refine your diet. Make it healthier and not unbearable. Start with the obvious. Ditch the 9 trillion calorie Starbucks brew habit, give up the 4 million calorie fast food lunch and replace both primarily with foods that are identifiable in nature and lower in calories but higher in nutrients. Stop skipping breakfast. Get up early enough to eat a breakfast that will fill you up and provide your body with the nutrients necessary to transform you into a leaner and "toned" version of yourself.

The cool thing about training with weights is that even if you're not ready to change your diet, you'll eventually feel compelled to start. You want the energy that good nutrition provides and you will crave the food that will make you feel good. 45 minutes of training with weights doesn't have the same effect on your appetite as endless hours of cardio. You may well end up with a better diet simply as a result of a change in the way you exercise.

A comprehensive list of what you should know

• Training with weights gives you more muscle
• More muscle means a faster metabolism
• A faster metabolism means easier fat loss
• More muscle and less fat equals the sexy 'toned' look you want
• To have a toned body, you need muscles
• If you use the word 'toned', then you probably don't have enough muscle
• Getting bulky requires male hormones or a modest diet in abundance

Forget the pink plastic dumbbells and stop being afraid to pick up heavy things.

And don't think for a second that you need to lose weight before you start training with weights. That's the most counterproductive thing you could do. And most women who do this NEVER start training with weights. They do cardio, but it's never enough, so they continue to lose weight temporarily and build that weight back up later with no muscle to speak of.

Just start training with weights, build muscle, work on shape and definition and you will get leaner over time...even if you make little changes to your current diet.

Stop living by the scales

The scale is a tool and sometimes it can be a good tool. But they can also be misleading. If you lose 5 pounds of fat and gain 5 pounds of muscle, the scale will tell you that nothing has happened. Your dress size, however, will tell you a different story. You'll look fantastic and still feel like crap because you haven't lost any weight.

Would you rather look the same and weigh less or would you rather look great and weigh the same? If you'd rather weigh less, then you should admit to yourself that you have a neurotic obsession with your scale.

Sure, if you're overweight or obese, then for health reasons you'll benefit from using a scale to monitor your weight loss. But if you're just starting to exercise and the scale is your main barometer of what's working, then you're going to end up pretty frustrated. This is because people who are just starting resistance training can lose fat and build muscle at the same time - at least for a short time. And for women who celebrate every pound lost on the scale, relying on the scale in this situation is a big mistake.

Use your clothes. Use the mirror. Use a tape measure. Have your body fat percentage measured regularly, always using the same method, as the results of different measurement methods can vary. And if you have to use the scales, include these other things too. If your waist size has decreased by 10 centimeters and you've had your pants and dresses tightened, but the weight on the scale hasn't dropped significantly, should you really be upset?

Where should you start?

No one is telling you not to run or give up your favorite forms of cardio. These things still make sense as part of a balanced exercise program. But you need to let go of the fear that moving heavy weights will turn you into a man. And you need to put aside the idea that cardio training - and especially excessive cardio training - is the solution to reshaping your body.

Use cardio in conjunction with weight training and a sensible diet, because if you lose weight with cardio alone, it's only a matter of time before you put that weight back on. The body will eventually adapt to the same repetitive cardio workout, which it won't with progressive overload, increased time under tension and intensity techniques that will make you look great.

And here's another bonus: When you start training with weights, the work you do will be more effective and therefore much less time consuming.

All of these things work together synergistically to get your body into a shape that will make you a different woman. Which you will be afterwards anyway. Otherwise, you wouldn't invest all that time and money to make yourself more attractive with things that most men won't notice - like shoes and designer handbags.

But both men and women will notice a great pair of legs, strong shoulders and an athletic butt. Pancake asses are common, but they won't turn anyone's head. And you probably won't be able to escape this fact without some form of resistance training.

Don't be average. Train like a man to look like a woman. It may be hard to accept, but that's just the way things work. The results will speak for themselves.

By Paul Carter | 07/26/16

Source: https://www.t-nation.com/training/get-your-girl-to-lif